“Why?” Jack asked, drawing a glance from the King.
“Now,” Fiona demanded, teeth clenched so hard she thought her jaw might fuse together.
“It is my pleasure to announce the engagement--”
The candle-lit view of the dining hall was replaced by a dark and hayfever-enducing stable loft.
Fiona released Jack's hand and swore in relief.
“Ye gods, Fi,” Jack said. “Did you have to break my hand?”
“We're getting betrothed,” Fiona screeched. “Do you really think I wanted to stick around for that? Demons and deities, Jack!”
“We're betrothed?”
“Did I stutter? My father was about to announce it before everybody. Do you know what that would have meant?”
“When did we get betrothed?” Jack asked in a particularly stultifying fashion.
“Does it matter? I have been on edge for weeks now, worrying about it. I can only imagine they left you out of the loop so that you'd have no choice but to do the noble thing and agree to marry me in front of everybody.” Fiona paced the loft in the dark, kicking at the hay.
“Who says I wouldn't want to marry you anyway?”
“What does that matter?” Fiona barked. “There will be no marriage. No way. Not happening.”
“Why not?” Jack's expressions were invisible in the dark, but he sounded amused.
“Because do I look like the wifey type? And furthermore, you're my best friend, Jack. And I just can't picture you like that. No way.” Fiona paused, thought some, and then asked, slightly timidly, “Are you the marrying type? The marrying-me type?”
“I wasn't even thinking about it until you brought the subject up,” Jack vowed.
Fiona blew out a long breath. “Good. That's a relief. We need to tell them that.”
“From the sound of it, they're a little past listening,” Jack said. “If their plan was to trick me into marrying you, then I don't think they'll change their minds easily.”
“We could just say no in the ceremony.”
“They might find a way around that.”
Fiona cussed and punched the side of the loft. “Ow. Stupid splinter.”
“Would you feel better if you beat me in a duel?” Jack asked.
“No,” Fiona said sourly. “It's dark in here. You'd just use the shadows to jump all over and win.”
“I might let you beat me.”
“I hate when you do that. Would a dragon do that? Would a giant do that? No. I don't know why more princesses don't study swordplay. It would save a lot of kidnappings. I really don't see any benefits to being locked in a tower waiting for prince charming to come along. What a waste of time.” Fiona kicked at the straw.
Then she froze, eyes alight. “I've got it!”
“Oh, no,” Jack said.
“No, really, this is brilliant.”
“I've heard that before.”
“Hear me out, Jack.” Fiona turned to face him, even though she could barely see him. “We're in an arranged marriage. How do we get out? We rescue you a princess, that's how! I mean, you're practically expected to marry the princess you rescue, so we'll just go find one you like, wave our swords around, and come home triumphant and no longer engaged to each other.”
“I'm not sure I want to get married at all,” Jack said.
“You can put it off,” Fiona argued. “I'm sure our parents won't be too happy at first. They'll probably dig their heels in for a while. You're a prince. You're expected to continue the family line.”
“You're expected to continue the family line too,” Jack pointed out crossly.
“I'm also expected to fall under an evil witch's spell, and that sure isn't going to happen,” Fiona said. “Tell me this isn't a great idea. The longer we stay on the quest, the more they'll have to search for us, and even if we don't find someone else for you to marry, maybe by the time we get home our families will be so fed up they'll call the wedding off. Haven't you ever wanted to travel outside our borders? Test your skills alone and unencumbered by servants and bodyguards and stuffy people?”
Jack chuckled. “I think that's more your dream.”
Fiona rolled her eyes. “Fine. Then haven't you always wanted to see lots of taverns and play lots of cards where your parents can't send someone to drag you home right before you're about to win big?”
“You got me there.”
“Then let's do that. Let's get out of here while we still have a chance. What do you think ruling a kingdom's going to be like, Jack? Dead boring. I want to kill a few dragons before I'm too old to swing a sword. I want to be the kind of hero people sing about.”
“Your goals are a lot bigger than mine,” Jack said.
“If we can find you a better bride-to-be than me, that's a pretty big goal,” Fiona said.
Below them, someone shoved the stable door open and said, “Search everywhere.”
“Also,” Fiona said, “if we're leaving, we need to go now.”
